Undiscovered Soul

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algo que eu ja era para ter posto ha muito tempo…

sem duvida o meu poema mais pessoal de sempre…

é enorme…mas sou eu…

Undiscovered Soul

I -> Sun’s Street , the center of the world

I’m the one that almost died
The undiscovered soul
That many found
And kicked away

Born in the middle of the unknown
Lost in the middle of nowhere
At the first ray of light of an unknown year
My alley is my home but I’ve never really
Looked at it as mine because I always stayed home

I’m overjoyed with fun
and I’m really happy
I care about nothing
because there is nothing
to worry about

these streets are full of kids just like me
and it should be so sad as I don’t know any of them
but I don’t care about it
guess this is what it´s supposed to be
I’m not alone as the few friends I have
are enough for me

so I spend my days locked at home
watching tv and the world is such a beautiful place
I don’t care if I’m alone
it never really made any difference to me

II -> The Shadow Of A Dark Future

Another day, another ride
and I hope not to see them
I wish I had the power to fight them back
but here they come again
and here is me on the floor one more time

I’m kinda happy today
seems to me that some people actually like me
but why do I sense that the rest of the school
hates me and laughs at me?
I never did anything to them!!

I wish I was a demon
a rebel with an allmighty army
I would take this forsaken place by storm
make everyone bow at my feet!!
and then everyone would stop treating me like shit!!

I don’t have anyone now
and I wish I had
my so called best friend
doesn’t even talk to me anymore
and he lives just a block away

I don’t know what to do
and I’m repressing all of this inside of me
Am I gonna blow like a nuclear bomb
or am I gonna be alright
and this will be just a vague memory of what I lived here?

3 years had now passed
I’m not sad to leave this place
funny how everyone says goodbye to one another
and I’m here all alone…after all it was true
no one ever really seemed to care about me…

III -> The Inevitability Of Life

Here´s to a new start
everything is different now
and I will start all over again
nothing can bring me down
because no one from that forsaken place
is here now

Things are so different here
I’m trying to adapt myself
and I love this new sense of freedom
you can do whatever u want
and no one will find out…or so I think

My new class mates are really weird
most of them have already lost several years…
I hope I don’t turn out like one of them

I’m starting to feel alone again
I don’t seem to fit in
and I think no one cares
so I disappear…

A year lost…and I hope I´ll get it right now
I feel really good this time and I like it in here with my friends
Months have passed
and why am I starting to get the feeling that my friends
laugh behind my back?

Another friday afternoon and the weekend is right around the corner
and then all of a sudden a friend
asks me if I’m going out with them tonight…

It’s kinda funny how my fears all of a sudden jumped outta of water
seems to me that I’m the so called friend for those times
when I’m actually needed and as I lay down my head tonight
all I can think is the lame jokes about me and the years I lost till this very day
and the fact that all pictures with me on them
were magically erased…

the truth is that I don’t need friends like those
all these years led to this
I don’t have any true friends
and I’m all alone again…

IV -> I Dont Care!!!… Or Should I Care??

Another sleepless night
another set of tears shed
here in the dark of my room
feeling so weak and powerless
feeling ready to die in peace

I lost everything I once believed in
all I got is myself ready to be broken in two
but I don’t care and I will never show this to anyone
I´ll no longer be betrayed and I am my new
and only friend!!

The days go on and on and I feel miserable inside
I’m starting to feel I don’t belong in this place
and somehow I have got to get out

Every time I fall in love
the feeling just turns to ashes
I’m sick and tired of all this
I HATE MYSELF , I HATE MY FACE , I HATE MY SMILE
I HATE EVERYTHING ABOUT ME!!!!!!

If I’m destined to be alone so be it
I will turn into a rock and no one will ever like me again!!
and so another year I think has come full circle
and my head has only one thought in mind….DEATH!

I’m tired of living my life
I even spent the last 365 days
figuring out ways to take my life away
but in the end
I don’t even have the courage to go through that!
what a fucking loser I turned out to be!!!

I’m ugly as a redneck’s ass
my life is broken and shattered into a million pieces
and I don’t even have the guts
to finish myself for good

guess this is destiny
and no one seems to notice how dead I really am
I try to smile… as always
but it’s so hard to smile
when I seem to be the only person
that believes in me!!

V – The Aftermath Of A Self-Inflicted Solitude

My life has passed me by
7 long years have kept me locked
in a dark prison
made of no locks

I´ve been away from society
afraid of getting hurt once again
waiting for death to come rescue me
from a life I never wanted

I walked unknown streets day and night
trying to hide the tears
trying to hide the pain
making friends with invisible shadows

I always thought that if I was alone
I would be happy and that no one could betray me
but being alone is just painful
and my mind is starting to play tricks on me
showing and making me think
about things that no man should

I lost so many things
things I will never get back
I can try to pretend all of this never happened
but it’s impossible

This is way to heavy
for me to even try to deny
it changed me completely
it changed everything in me

The signs of a once happy teenager are long gone
and now all I am is just a sad boy
with stolen dreams, burned thoughts
a shitload of fears and a reaped heart

All of this is somehow my fault
I was the one who made the wrong choices
and now that I´ve survived hell
I realize what I put on the line
my body and soul almost died
but somehow I’m still here….

VI -> The Dawning Of A New Morning

Sunny weather today
seems like another random day
many years have passed and I’m starting to be aware
of what´s around me

Maybe I should try to get out of my cage
maybe I should just try one more time
to be what I once was
a very long time ago

But I’m just too strange and too shy
I can try to live in society
but I’m not sure if I know how to do that anymore
I know that maybe now there are a couple people
that seem to be actually willing to help me

At least I know I trust them
because they don’t judge me
and they seem to trust me
they seem to accept me for what I am
maybe that’s what true friends do for each other

I just hope my fears fade away this time
and I don’t end up disappointing anyone
that’s something I always keep in mind

Guess this is a new dawn for me
for my life and for my dreams
I know I got true friends now
that may not live close to me
but I know I´m always in their heart
as they are in mine

to be honest I never thought
I would survive what i went through
I always picture myself dead
way before turning 35
but now that just seems to be an illusion

this is the dawn of a new morning for me
the dawn of hope
the dawn of my new life…

VII -> What Lies Ahead?

U can take back all those fears
tell my ghosts to stay dead
I’m out of that place
it was hard so hard but I got it right

I don’t see things black and white anymore
everything seems to be colorful nowadays
so just take a look around to feel what I feel now

I don’t know the future
but I will live my life the best way I can
regrets are a part of my past
I suffered a lot and that sure as hell changed me
but I can’t bring that pain here now

Just to breathe this fresh air
reminds me of a young kid I met so many years ago
a kid with no fears
a kid wanting to live his life the best way he possibly could

and that’s what I really want now
I´ve finally realized that the things
I lost and never lived will never return
and I can’t be here sitting and waiting for that to happen

I´ve to live
I´ve to dream
what lies ahead? I don’t have clue
but as long as I have faith in me
and as I open my eyes to life
I see a beautiful sunshine
and a shy smile gets drawn in my face
as I feel the wind touching it

Escrito por : Pedro Mendes

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